Great spot for a bite to eat some comfort foods. Staff are amazing too!
Atmosphere: 5
Food: 5
Service: 5
Bob jake
⭐️ 0/5 — UNCLE MONKEY’S IS WHERE HOPE GOES TO DIE
If Dante wrote The Inferno today, the tenth circle of hell would be a booth at Uncle Monkey’s in Illiopolis. This place isn’t a restaurant, it’s a cry for help disguised as a business.
The food? I wouldn’t call it food. It’s more like a collection of warm objects pretending to be edible. Every bite tasted like the cook went on strike halfway through the recipe. Bland, burnt, raw, mushy, somehow all at once. My taste buds filed a complaint.
And the bug problem isn’t a bug problem… it’s a bug community. A thriving ecosystem. An entire insect metropolis with a higher population than the actual town. Flies, gnats, beetles. I’m pretty sure I saw something that hasn’t even been classified by science yet. One bug flew into my drink, took a sip, shook its head, and left. Even THEY know better.
I left the restaurant feeling like I should bathe in hand sanitizer and call the CDC just to be safe. Pretty solid chance of food poisoning. I’d rate it at least an 80% likelihood, maybe higher if you order anything labeled “special.”
The service is next-level awful. Our server didn’t just forget things, they forgot us. It felt like we were intruding on their day by trying to get, you know… the food we ordered. I’ve had more attentive conversations with self-checkout machines.
And then there’s the price. The audacity. The boldness. The sheer unhinged confidence to charge premium prices for this disaster. It’s like paying for a steakhouse and getting a gas station microwave burrito that somehow went wrong.
Finally, the “legendary” horseshoe. Honestly? Illinois should sue them. This thing is a disgrace. Soggy fries drowning in a cheese-like substance that tastes like melted school glue, slapped on top of a slab of meat that looked tired. You could put this thing in front of a starving coyote and it would politely decline.
If someone says “Let’s go to Uncle Monkey’s,” that’s not a suggestion — that’s a red flag. Cut ties immediately.
Uncle Monkey’s isn’t just the worst restaurant in Illinois… it’s the worst decision you can make on an empty stomach.
Atmosphere: 1
Food: 1
Service: 1
Sven Atterman
⭐️ 0/5 — UNCLE MONKEY’S SHOULD BE QUARANTINED, NOT OPEN FOR BUSINESS
I don’t say this lightly: Uncle Monkey’s in Illiopolis might be the worst restaurant in the entire Midwest. Maybe the whole country. Possibly the planet. If the Health Department ever stepped foot in here, they’d shut it down before finishing their first inhale.
The food? Absolute biohazard. I’ve eaten MREs that had more flavor and fewer warning signs. Everything tasted like it had been cooked by someone actively trying to get fired. Lukewarm, rubbery, questionable smells… the whole meal felt like a dare.
The bug situation is unreal. Not like “one fly you shoo away.” No, this is National Geographic level infestation. Gnats, flies, something with too many legs… I don’t know if I was eating dinner or starring in a nature documentary. One bug literally tried to crawl off my plate with a piece of my food. I let him have it — he needed it more than I did.
Service was a whole new dimension of awful. Our server moved like they were wading through wet cement and acted like bringing us silverware was optional. I’ve had better customer service yelling into a broken drive-thru intercom.
For the price they charge? Criminal. I’ve seen more reasonable numbers written on ransom notes. You walk out feeling robbed and somehow guilty for even showing up.
And the “horseshoe” , dear God. This so-called dish is a statewide embarrassment. It’s the culinary equivalent of a cry for help. The fries are soggy, the bread is sad, and the cheese sauce tastes like melted plastic and regret. I wouldn’t feed this to a raccoon, and raccoons will eat literal trash.
If you’re thinking about eating here, don’t. If someone gives you a gift card, burn it. If someone suggests Uncle Monkey’s for dinner, cut them out of your life. This place should come with a waiver, a warning label, and maybe a priest.
Uncle Monkey’s belongs in the Illinois Hall of Shame.
Atmosphere: 1
Food: 1
Service: 1
Lee Gurley
⭐️ 0/5 — Uncle Monkey’s Is the Worst Restaurant in Illinois
I don’t know what’s going on at Uncle Monkey’s in Illiopolis, but it might be the closest thing to culinary punishment this side of a county jail. The food is so bad I genuinely questioned my life choices walking out the door. Everything tasted like it was cooked last week and reheated under a heat lamp powered by sadness.
There were bugs everywhere — crawling on the walls, buzzing by the tables, and I swear one walked across my plate like it owned the place. I’m honestly impressed I didn’t walk out with food poisoning… yet. Still waiting for the delayed stomach explosion.
The service? Imagine being ignored, forgotten, and mildly insulted all at the same time. That’s the vibe. It’s like they’re doing you a favor by letting you sit there.
And for what they charge? Highway robbery. You’d think you were eating at a nice place in Chicago, not a health-inspection-waiting-to-happen in Illiopolis.
And let’s talk about the “horseshoe” the dish Illinois is known for. Uncle Monkey’s version is the single worst in the entire state. Cold fries, soggy bread, mystery cheese sauce that tastes like it was made in a science lab. It’s honestly disrespectful to the horseshoe tradition.
If you’re thinking about eating here… don’t. Go literally anywhere else. Eat gas station jerky. Chew on a boot. Anything would be an upgrade.
Atmosphere: 1
Food: 1
Service: 1
Billy Thielemann
Food was great, the tenderloin horseshoe was huge, service was the best, can't wait to go back to try more
Atmosphere: 4
Food: 4
Service: 4
Tommy K
The amount of money this place has lost from me over the years, because they don’t care to pick up the phone, is wild. Call for takeout 3 or 4 times. Nobody answers. So I give up and do something different. This scenario has happened at least a dozen times in the last 4 years. Tonight, after not being able to get through, I decided to order at the bar. 15 minutes before someone acknowledged me. Meanwhile the phone is ringing off the hook and the guy behind the bar is meandering around, sipping his drink, not even reaching for it. Woman next to me had been waiting a hour. Finally just gave up and left. I’m done with this place. I’ve given them so many chances cuz the food is decent. But I can’t anymore.
Atmosphere: 4
Food: 4
Service: 1
Andrew Thomson
Great service, good food!
Atmosphere: 4
Food: 5
Service: 5
Recommended dishes: Chinese Horseshoe
Jeffrey Stull
Bar environment, good burger and fries. Slow service.
mert kezer
Nice place where people are also nice. The food is good as well
I love this place and I always have. They have great, original food. I've known Jeanette and Jasin for years and Jeanette since about 3rd grade. Every time I've been in here it has been a delight. Tonight I ordered some very basic stuff and when I came in the brunette working the bar completely ignored me. I was finally spoken to by the guy with the red goatee after he had already bussed four tables. No acknowledgment and when attempted I was looked at with annoyance. I am just surprised that after all these years anyone could be in this place and treat any person like that. This is a good establishment. They certainly deserve better representation.
Georgia Skeen
The fact the waiters didn't even know half the stuff and didn't refill our drinks and have been waiting for quite some time for the check is unbelievable. Work on your service skill.
Atmosphere: 4
Food: 3
Service: 1
Rachel Parsons
Well, it was a bar and they had Chinese food and I'm big on Chinese food, and they had some really good Chinese food, and my friend had a Philly cheesesteak without the bun.All my gosh so good.I will definitely be going back.
Atmosphere: 5
Food: 5
Service: 5
Will Hornback
Chinese horseshoe is 5 ⭐️
Atmosphere: 5
Food: 5
Service: 5
Me
Went for dinner, quick service. I didn't get pics because I was to hungry. But was definitely impressed with the food and atmosphere. Will definitely most definitely go back.
Great spot for a bite to eat some comfort foods. Staff are amazing too!
Atmosphere: 5
Food: 5
Service: 5
⭐️ 0/5 — UNCLE MONKEY’S IS WHERE HOPE GOES TO DIE
If Dante wrote The Inferno today, the tenth circle of hell would be a booth at Uncle Monkey’s in Illiopolis. This place isn’t a restaurant, it’s a cry for help disguised as a business.
The food? I wouldn’t call it food. It’s more like a collection of warm objects pretending to be edible. Every bite tasted like the cook went on strike halfway through the recipe. Bland, burnt, raw, mushy, somehow all at once. My taste buds filed a complaint.
And the bug problem isn’t a bug problem… it’s a bug community. A thriving ecosystem. An entire insect metropolis with a higher population than the actual town. Flies, gnats, beetles. I’m pretty sure I saw something that hasn’t even been classified by science yet. One bug flew into my drink, took a sip, shook its head, and left. Even THEY know better.
I left the restaurant feeling like I should bathe in hand sanitizer and call the CDC just to be safe. Pretty solid chance of food poisoning. I’d rate it at least an 80% likelihood, maybe higher if you order anything labeled “special.”
The service is next-level awful. Our server didn’t just forget things, they forgot us. It felt like we were intruding on their day by trying to get, you know… the food we ordered. I’ve had more attentive conversations with self-checkout machines.
And then there’s the price. The audacity. The boldness. The sheer unhinged confidence to charge premium prices for this disaster. It’s like paying for a steakhouse and getting a gas station microwave burrito that somehow went wrong.
Finally, the “legendary” horseshoe. Honestly? Illinois should sue them. This thing is a disgrace. Soggy fries drowning in a cheese-like substance that tastes like melted school glue, slapped on top of a slab of meat that looked tired. You could put this thing in front of a starving coyote and it would politely decline.
If someone says “Let’s go to Uncle Monkey’s,” that’s not a suggestion — that’s a red flag. Cut ties immediately.
Uncle Monkey’s isn’t just the worst restaurant in Illinois… it’s the worst decision you can make on an empty stomach.
Atmosphere: 1
Food: 1
Service: 1
⭐️ 0/5 — UNCLE MONKEY’S SHOULD BE QUARANTINED, NOT OPEN FOR BUSINESS
I don’t say this lightly: Uncle Monkey’s in Illiopolis might be the worst restaurant in the entire Midwest. Maybe the whole country. Possibly the planet. If the Health Department ever stepped foot in here, they’d shut it down before finishing their first inhale.
The food? Absolute biohazard. I’ve eaten MREs that had more flavor and fewer warning signs. Everything tasted like it had been cooked by someone actively trying to get fired. Lukewarm, rubbery, questionable smells… the whole meal felt like a dare.
The bug situation is unreal. Not like “one fly you shoo away.” No, this is National Geographic level infestation. Gnats, flies, something with too many legs… I don’t know if I was eating dinner or starring in a nature documentary. One bug literally tried to crawl off my plate with a piece of my food. I let him have it — he needed it more than I did.
Service was a whole new dimension of awful. Our server moved like they were wading through wet cement and acted like bringing us silverware was optional. I’ve had better customer service yelling into a broken drive-thru intercom.
For the price they charge? Criminal. I’ve seen more reasonable numbers written on ransom notes. You walk out feeling robbed and somehow guilty for even showing up.
And the “horseshoe” , dear God. This so-called dish is a statewide embarrassment. It’s the culinary equivalent of a cry for help. The fries are soggy, the bread is sad, and the cheese sauce tastes like melted plastic and regret. I wouldn’t feed this to a raccoon, and raccoons will eat literal trash.
If you’re thinking about eating here, don’t. If someone gives you a gift card, burn it. If someone suggests Uncle Monkey’s for dinner, cut them out of your life. This place should come with a waiver, a warning label, and maybe a priest.
Uncle Monkey’s belongs in the Illinois Hall of Shame.
Atmosphere: 1
Food: 1
Service: 1
⭐️ 0/5 — Uncle Monkey’s Is the Worst Restaurant in Illinois
I don’t know what’s going on at Uncle Monkey’s in Illiopolis, but it might be the closest thing to culinary punishment this side of a county jail. The food is so bad I genuinely questioned my life choices walking out the door. Everything tasted like it was cooked last week and reheated under a heat lamp powered by sadness.
There were bugs everywhere — crawling on the walls, buzzing by the tables, and I swear one walked across my plate like it owned the place. I’m honestly impressed I didn’t walk out with food poisoning… yet. Still waiting for the delayed stomach explosion.
The service? Imagine being ignored, forgotten, and mildly insulted all at the same time. That’s the vibe. It’s like they’re doing you a favor by letting you sit there.
And for what they charge? Highway robbery. You’d think you were eating at a nice place in Chicago, not a health-inspection-waiting-to-happen in Illiopolis.
And let’s talk about the “horseshoe” the dish Illinois is known for. Uncle Monkey’s version is the single worst in the entire state. Cold fries, soggy bread, mystery cheese sauce that tastes like it was made in a science lab. It’s honestly disrespectful to the horseshoe tradition.
If you’re thinking about eating here… don’t. Go literally anywhere else. Eat gas station jerky. Chew on a boot. Anything would be an upgrade.
Atmosphere: 1
Food: 1
Service: 1
Food was great, the tenderloin horseshoe was huge, service was the best, can't wait to go back to try more
Atmosphere: 4
Food: 4
Service: 4
The amount of money this place has lost from me over the years, because they don’t care to pick up the phone, is wild. Call for takeout 3 or 4 times. Nobody answers. So I give up and do something different. This scenario has happened at least a dozen times in the last 4 years. Tonight, after not being able to get through, I decided to order at the bar. 15 minutes before someone acknowledged me. Meanwhile the phone is ringing off the hook and the guy behind the bar is meandering around, sipping his drink, not even reaching for it. Woman next to me had been waiting a hour. Finally just gave up and left. I’m done with this place. I’ve given them so many chances cuz the food is decent. But I can’t anymore.
Atmosphere: 4
Food: 4
Service: 1
Great service, good food!
Atmosphere: 4
Food: 5
Service: 5
Recommended dishes: Chinese Horseshoe
Bar environment, good burger and fries. Slow service.
Nice place where people are also nice. The food is good as well
Great restaurant and bar in illiopolis!
Atmosphere: 5
Food: 5
Service: 5
Recommended dishes: Chinese Horseshoe, Wings
Restaurantji Recommends
I love this place and I always have. They have great, original food. I've known Jeanette and Jasin for years and Jeanette since about 3rd grade. Every time I've been in here it has been a delight. Tonight I ordered some very basic stuff and when I came in the brunette working the bar completely ignored me. I was finally spoken to by the guy with the red goatee after he had already bussed four tables. No acknowledgment and when attempted I was looked at with annoyance. I am just surprised that after all these years anyone could be in this place and treat any person like that. This is a good establishment. They certainly deserve better representation.
The fact the waiters didn't even know half the stuff and didn't refill our drinks and have been waiting for quite some time for the check is unbelievable. Work on your service skill.
Atmosphere: 4
Food: 3
Service: 1
Well, it was a bar and they had Chinese food and I'm big on Chinese food, and they had some really good Chinese food, and my friend had a Philly cheesesteak without the bun.All my gosh so good.I will definitely be going back.
Atmosphere: 5
Food: 5
Service: 5
Chinese horseshoe is 5 ⭐️
Atmosphere: 5
Food: 5
Service: 5
Went for dinner, quick service. I didn't get pics because I was to hungry. But was definitely impressed with the food and atmosphere. Will definitely most definitely go back.
Atmosphere: 5
Food: 5
Service: 5
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