Buffalo Wild Wings in Tucson

“Well as we all know, football season is back & it’s the healthiest way to divide an already divided nation in tumulteous times. It’s tribe vs tribe and there’s sweat and blood to be spilt and money to be made. It’s political season as well meaning we can watch TV and yell at lying, out of shape millionaires in suits and yell at sweaty, in shape millionaires in tights all in the same day. It’s a wonderful age we live in. That being said, Sundays are a holy day where one can gorge themselves silly on carbs and forget all of their troubles by focusing on their pigskin of destiny. Myself, i’m enjoying this new season of FB but ALSO a new season of myself. Part of that is increasing my own confidence and being more outgoing. Throwing myself in the Lions den. Not the Detroit Lions den because they’re NFC north rivals and I hate them, but you get my point.

So I figured the best time to get maximum exposure to people at their most vulnerable, their most primal, their most honest, their most raw and their most dimensional would be during Sunday football hours at Buffalo Wild Wings. Well, I did see a commercial with Jason Kelce drunkenly talking to a large buffalo and that was mostly the reason I came in. Those Kelce brothers. Corporate America gold, those boys. They won this round.

So to make things more challenging, I decided to come in as not a football fan, but someone on the absolute opposite side of the spectrum. A nerdy, pretentious bookworm who chose the absolute worst time to sit at the bar to enjoy a beer and some literature. Who also secretly wanted to keep tabs on his team, the Packers as they faced off against the Titans. I would likely draw disgust and ire from middle aged dad bods in jerseys, flip flops & backwards hats as I scooted up next to their group at the bar firmly grasping a copy of a Hemingway book. And boy oh boy was I right. But this was a social experiment to see if I could hold my ground and find confidence within.

As I found an open spot at the bar, I avoided eye contact with them but could feel the heated gazes between the ref’s whistle blow. I gave a loud “ahem” & inched my glasses up my nose just pretending to concentrate on the pages while internally going crazy because Malik Willis tucked the ball & ran in for a 5-yard TD to put the Packers up 7-0 in the 1st quarter. I heard a few of them boo and yell at the big screen in front of us, some wearing Titans jerseys and others just drunk as hell. I couldn’t buckle. The bartender came over during commercial and I closed my book and lowered my nerdy glasses down while ordering “the finest hefewiezen you have and a dozen of the garlic parmesan wings. I don’t wanna sauce up the pages” & then looked over to my right where a guy with a bewildered aura complimented his neckbeard, a belly drooping out of his aqua blue jersey much like an underboob onto his cargo shorts, bloodshot eyes and honey bbq sauce smeared around his mouth like he went down on Sweet Baby Ray himself was just staring. “Whatcha readin?” I smirked & said “The Sun Also Rises” by Ernest Hemingway” “You know what also rises?” he asked while making a whistle noise and using his finger as a surrogate phallic wonder in front of his crotchal area. He then laughed like a weasel in heat and his similarily unsightly friend slammed another glass of beer in front of him. “Yeah it has a lot to do with male insecurities and trying to define oneself in a lost generation using escapist hedonism in order to avoid meaningful introspection”

“Yeah I don’t know what you just said (F WORD) let’s just watch some football”. He then burped and the game played on while he and his stupid buddies cheered. I couldn’t do the charage any longer & took off the fake glasses, slammed 3 more beers and ordered a half dozen Carribean Jerk before going full screaming gorilla mode as the game went into half time, Packers leading 20-7. I pounded my chest w/ dishoveled hair & they all looked at me scared before I went “

“The bartender here is amazing! The place was packed and she was super busy but she held her own and always kept a smile on her face. I made sure to let the manager know that her service was wonderful and she was also training at the same time.“

“Shout out to the night Manager Fred !!! We placed an order for delivery and our food never arrived . We called restaurant and spoke with Fred he went above and beyond he reached out to Door Dash for us and helped us replace our order!! Excellent Customer service, Management!!!“