DUDE WHERE'S MY BURRITO? (FOUL LANGUAGE AHEAD) I finally make my way back to the stronghold, my firm's big a** tower-o-glass downtown for the first time in months. I'm only looking forward to two things on this day and it's not work. * The Bagel. The Lebanese restaurant has REAL bagels that make you tilt your head back and then choke on the surreal amount of seeds. So freaking good. * Seeing my old friends I haven't seen in a while. Well there are only a few of them here today since the holidays have begun. Normally I'm on holiday also. I hate restaurateurs who open up shop just for the money and don't give a s*** about food and these are easy to find in food-courts because food-courts are guaranteed no-fuss profit-centers. So many clients, the money just comes in no matter the crap you are serving. It's like opening up a funeral home. Guaranteed client-base. And these owners don't give a flying f*** about quality or about you, just your little dollar bills in your wallet. When lunch time comes around, a man's gotta eat right? Well I head down to the food court. There was this Mexican place down there that made a tasty burrito. I loves the burrito. Well I get there and it's like I took some f***** up kool-aid acid punch because there is some freaky s*** going on here. First it's now called Rotisserie Pollo. Pollo as in chicken. I sure as hell hope your rotisserie is rotissering chicken but I digress. And then the Rotisserie serves smoked meat sandwiches also and still serves a full arsenal of Mexican food. What the f*** is going on here? French-Italian name, serving smoked meat but with a mostly Mexican menu? Facepalm But here's the real kicker. Behind the counter, there's a bunch of... wait for it... are you thinking Mexicans?... wrong. Midgets? Nope. Asians. YES ASIANS. Asians are serving me Mexican Food. EPIC ULTRA-FACEPALM. NO, NO, NO Damnit. What the f*** is wrong with this world? Don't get me wrong I have nothing against Asians, hell people who know me, know I suffer from yellow fever. The thing is that I know that the Asian community would be in a f****** uproar if Mexicans decided to open up Sashimi restaurant. Either way you play it there's a cultural disconnect here. Behind each food culture, there's well... culture, even if it's the fast food version. Because the invading culture lacks the intrinsic understanding of the inner workings and know-how that goes behind making something as mundane as a burrito how could they possibly understand the centuries of culture and meaning behind what you are eating. The Spanish didn't show up in Mexico and then had instant Mexican culture. It evolved with its surroundings, with indigenous cultures and available foodstuff to become what it became today. The Asian restaurateur can't just walk in and say I'm gonna make a burrito just like a Mexican. And here's how they f***** up. First the rice. The served me up some short-grain rice steamed in the same steamer used to make that delicious sticky white rice form Asian cuisine. Ok first, the rice grown in America is long grain and has a completely different taste and texture. And you can't just drop some "Mexican flavour mix" into the rice. For fuck's sake, what the f*** was that? I have never tasted such synthetic tasting crap. The fried tortillas tasted like fried Frito-Lays. It was likely the most horrible tortillas I have ever consumed and literally felt like puking after one bite. The Burrito of Doom. WHY? WHY? WHY? How Could they travesty such a tasty delicious food. Gone was the beefy-tomatoey paste, gone was the tomato sauce, gone was the cheese. What was left was some greyish meat stuffing, raw onions (not even Spanish onions) and some lettuce and tomatoes. - Fast Food Made in China. - It's enough that all our disposable lives have products made in China, but my food doesn't have to be eit
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DUDE WHERE'S MY BURRITO? (FOUL LANGUAGE AHEAD) I finally make my way back to the stronghold, my firm's big a** tower-o-glass downtown for the first time in months. I'm only looking forward to two things on this day and it's not work. * The Bagel. The Lebanese restaurant has REAL bagels that make you tilt your head back and then choke on the surreal amount of seeds. So freaking good. * Seeing my old friends I haven't seen in a while. Well there are only a few of them here today since the holidays have begun. Normally I'm on holiday also. I hate restaurateurs who open up shop just for the money and don't give a s*** about food and these are easy to find in food-courts because food-courts are guaranteed no-fuss profit-centers. So many clients, the money just comes in no matter the crap you are serving. It's like opening up a funeral home. Guaranteed client-base. And these owners don't give a flying f*** about quality or about you, just your little dollar bills in your wallet. When lunch time comes around, a man's gotta eat right? Well I head down to the food court. There was this Mexican place down there that made a tasty burrito. I loves the burrito. Well I get there and it's like I took some f***** up kool-aid acid punch because there is some freaky s*** going on here. First it's now called Rotisserie Pollo. Pollo as in chicken. I sure as hell hope your rotisserie is rotissering chicken but I digress. And then the Rotisserie serves smoked meat sandwiches also and still serves a full arsenal of Mexican food. What the f*** is going on here? French-Italian name, serving smoked meat but with a mostly Mexican menu? Facepalm But here's the real kicker. Behind the counter, there's a bunch of... wait for it... are you thinking Mexicans?... wrong. Midgets? Nope. Asians. YES ASIANS. Asians are serving me Mexican Food. EPIC ULTRA-FACEPALM. NO, NO, NO Damnit. What the f*** is wrong with this world? Don't get me wrong I have nothing against Asians, hell people who know me, know I suffer from yellow fever. The thing is that I know that the Asian community would be in a f****** uproar if Mexicans decided to open up Sashimi restaurant. Either way you play it there's a cultural disconnect here. Behind each food culture, there's well... culture, even if it's the fast food version. Because the invading culture lacks the intrinsic understanding of the inner workings and know-how that goes behind making something as mundane as a burrito how could they possibly understand the centuries of culture and meaning behind what you are eating. The Spanish didn't show up in Mexico and then had instant Mexican culture. It evolved with its surroundings, with indigenous cultures and available foodstuff to become what it became today. The Asian restaurateur can't just walk in and say I'm gonna make a burrito just like a Mexican. And here's how they f***** up. First the rice. The served me up some short-grain rice steamed in the same steamer used to make that delicious sticky white rice form Asian cuisine. Ok first, the rice grown in America is long grain and has a completely different taste and texture. And you can't just drop some "Mexican flavour mix" into the rice. For fuck's sake, what the f*** was that? I have never tasted such synthetic tasting crap. The fried tortillas tasted like fried Frito-Lays. It was likely the most horrible tortillas I have ever consumed and literally felt like puking after one bite. The Burrito of Doom. WHY? WHY? WHY? How Could they travesty such a tasty delicious food. Gone was the beefy-tomatoey paste, gone was the tomato sauce, gone was the cheese. What was left was some greyish meat stuffing, raw onions (not even Spanish onions) and some lettuce and tomatoes. - Fast Food Made in China. - It's enough that all our disposable lives have products made in China, but my food doesn't have to be eit
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