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“Why is it so cold in here all the time?
Look, I’m a Texan and like it cold but it’s like 60 degrees inside. And it’s been like this for at least the last year.
Seriously, I’ve never been in a colder place than this.“
“One of the servers was very rude when I asked the other girl to try and avoid the peppers as much as possible when she was giving me onions. Clearly I'm intelligent enough to see that they are mixed, I just wanted her to go where there were more onions than peppers.“