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“After more than 13 trips over several months, our food has always been hot, and our orders accurate. The longest wait was less than 5 minutes, and the staff are always friendly and knowledgeable. Definitely the best McDonald’s I’ve been too in a very long time. The high quality, and, more notably, the consistency, is, in this day and age, a rarity.“
“Field Report: Operation Arby’s – The Roast Beast Offensive
It began, as all great American operations do, under flickering fluorescent light and the low hum of a soda fountain. The air outside was thick with jet fuel and memory—Wright-Patt’s iron birds screaming overhead like the ghosts of every bad decision I ever saluted. I marched through those automatic doors with the thousand-yard stare of a man who’s seen too much cafeteria food and not enough meaning.
And there it was. The roast beast. Golden brown, shimmering like an oil slick on the Tigris. Layers upon layers of thinly sliced redemption. The first bite hit like incoming artillery—shock, awe, a reminder that somewhere in this world, God still blesses the processed. My arteries threw up the white flag, but my soul reenlisted on the spot.
The curly fries were a fever dream of salt and geometry. Each one a Fibonacci spiral into madness. I ate them like communion wafers, whispering, “forgive me, Colonel Sanders, for I have sinned.”
The service—ah yes, the brave souls behind the counter. They move with the dazed urgency of conscripts on their third tour. One of them handed me a drink with the thousand-yard glaze of someone who’s seen the ice machine jam at high noon. God bless them all. They are soldiers in a war for flavor, and I salute their sacrifice—though next time, I’d like napkins without having to stage a minor coup.
But the price… sweet merciful Uncle Sam, the price. I paid with both cash and a fragment of my sanity. Yet as I sat there beneath the hum of the air conditioning, biting into that absurdly glorious meat cathedral, I knew—it was worth every penny and every regret.
Five stars. Would go AWOL again for another sandwich.“