4.4
Superb
349 Reviews
4800 Fields Ertel Road, Cincinnati · 5.11 miles
Customers’ favorites
- Sticky Rice in Lotus Leaf
- Sweet and Sour Chicken
- Hong Kong Chicken
- Hot and Sour Soup
“Grand Oriental Chinese Restaurant— BaldWhiteGuyReviews 🧑🦲🍜 Time flies, kids forget passports, and dads get a rare day off — which I immediately spent doing what any responsible parent would do: drag my son to a new restaurant and then reward him with lunch. 😅 He forgot his passport (top secret co-op stuff, apparently), so we met halfway-ish and let Yelp play help find a new place to try. That’s how we found Grand Oriental — a big, festive palace of American-Chinese comfort food and decorative bravado Grand Oriental 📍4800 Fields Ertel Rd, Cincinnati. Parking & Entrance Parking: angled, on a slight hill, and perfect for anyone who enjoys a little cardio while exiting their car. If you have equilibrium issues, bring a friend or a very dramatic cane. Walk the red carpet like you’re famous (or at least like you once were #Santa in the Christmas Program) and step into a dining room that screams “special occasion” louder than your drunk uncle at a wedding. 🎉✨ #WeSeeYou Decorations Huge space, lots of lanterns, and more faux-oriental flair than a Netflix period drama on a budget. The place looks like someone told Pinterest to go wild and then hired a very enthusiastic intern to execute it. If prom and homecoming had a love child, this would be the reception venue. Very Instagrammable — bring a filter and a dramatic pose. 📸🪩 They even have a golden throne #Seriously. The Wet Live Well They’ve got a big wet live well — yes, an actual aquarium of potential dinner guests. Do I think they fish out a crab and whisper “you’re up” before tossing him into a wok? Some call it fresh; others call it barbaric reality TV for crustaceans. Either way, the seafood looks like it just finished updating its LinkedIn. 🦀🐟😬 #FearFactor Bathroom Report Bathroom: shockingly clean and tastefully decorated. If the restroom is this tidy, you know the kitchen isn’t hiding any skeletons — just maybe a very well-behaved crab. 🚽✨ What We Ate 🍜 * Appetizer: Crab Rangoon — $6.99 Warm, creamy, and dangerously addictive. Came with two mystery sauces: one was sweet (dessert-adjacent and delightful), the other had a wasabi vibe that made my face do a small, respectful salute. I’m still not sure if the second sauce was wasabi or a tiny jar of regret, but it worked. 😋🔥 It was a surprise, no mention of sauces on the menu. (That I could find anyway). * Half-ling’s Meal: Sweet & Sour Chicken with Fried Rice — $11.99 Predictable in the best way. Comfort food for people who like their food to behave itself. The fried rice, however, was quietly excellent — the unsung hero of the table. 🍚👍 * My Choice: Hunan Beef with Fried Rice — $12.99 Hunan Beef is my yardstick. This one had a pleasant kick that made my nose run like it had opinions. Local Hunan still wins my heart #DragonInn, but this one is a solid contender. 🥩🌶️ Total Lunch Damage: $34.46 (waters included, because hydration is free and important) 💸 Final Thoughts (and the part where I pretend to be impartial) The Grand Oriental is a great spot for a special lunch or to impress guests who like their ambiance with a side of theatrical lighting. Staff were friendly and fast — service points for speed and smiles. Food was solid, comforting, and exactly what you expect from a good American-Chinese joint: familiar, warm, and occasionally surprising (looking at you, mystery sauce). #HotHot Final Score: 3 out of 5 Bald Heads 🧑🦲🧑🦲🧑🦲 Why I docked two Bald Heads: * Minus one for predictably (Boring) American-Chinese flavors — tasty, but not revolutionary. * Minus one for price — lunch felt a tad steep. Maybe you’re paying extra for the live well’s real estate and the decorative chandelier that’s clearly on a #FingerHut payment plan. 🧾💡#CheapOldMan Would I go back? Sure — for a special night, a prom afterparty, or if my son forgets something else important. Would I drive across town just for their Hunan? Not this time. 👎 Have you been here? What was your favorite Dish??? Like, Share, Follow — BaldWhiteGuyReviews If you laughed, cried, or felt personally attacked”
Chinese · $
